If you're wearing something that could tempt my husband to look at you in the wrong way, I might feel like praying that God smites you with wrinkles, a jiggly belly, a flat chest, and warts on your face. It just makes me mad.
Immodesty makes me mad! I realize that if you're not a Christian, you probably won't understand where I'm coming from. I'd be happy to explain it, but I'm really talking to my Christian sisters here. You should know better.
Now I want to confess something here before I go on: I am not perfect in this area at all! Even this morning, my husband told me that the dress I was wearing might be too revealing, but I made a ton of excuses, put on a cover-up that really didn't cover anything up, and wore it anyways. Then the whole morning at church I was hugging my Bible to my chest because I knew I shouldn't have worn it.
My husband should not have to go into church, or his job at a Christian bookstore, or anywhere where there are Christian women around him and come out asking me why some of the girls there were showing so much cleavage. He shouldn't have to divert his eyes when he's around his Christian sisters. He, and your other Christian brothers, have to deal with a sex-charged society already which tempts them at every flip of the television station, every other bill board, and magazines galore.
<--Don't worry, I don't think you have to dress like any of these to be modest!!
Ladies, I don't care how old you are, what kind of body you have, what size bra you wear...just honestly think before you go out in public wearing what you're wearing. To be honest, I've found that if I have any doubts about what I'm wearing, it's probably not appropriate. I know how hard it is...how tempting it is to wear what will get the most attention. But for the sake of your brothers in Christ, be modest. For your own sake, that you don't get cheapened by being looked at as an object, be modest. It looks different for different people, but I really believe that with a little bit of common sense and a big dose of the Holy Spirit, you'll know...And if you don't, ask someone who will be honest.
Jesus tells us in the Bible 'Judge not lest you be judged'. Well, I'm judging right now, but I'm also inviting you to judge me. If you see me wearing something that could cause a brother to stumble, please tell me! I may be defensive at first, but that's probably only because I already had doubts about it and the Holy Spirit is using you to convict me even more, so I'm embarrassed that you caught me rebelling against Him.
For practical tips:
This was an interesting survey that the younger brothers of Joshua Harris did on modesty...I'd encourage you to check it out. It's really enlightening as to how Christian guys think regarding modesty and the way we as women can help them in their struggle against lust.
http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/
If I offended you...well, I'm not really sorry, but I'd welcome your comments!
Disclaimer: After reading the rough draft of this, Adam told me he thinks it's a little unbalanced, and that I'm harsh on the girls, and not enough on the guys. Probably he's right...so in a month or so he's going to be a guest contributer on my blog and write a piece for the guys! (-:
P.S. I didn't have my Bible on me while writing this, so I didn't include any supporting references...but if you need some for proof that modesty is God's will, let me know! I'd be happy to supply some.
6 thoughts about this post:
Hannah, as much as I appreciate the thought that started this topic, I think you may want to reconsider what your husband said about being too harsh on girls. It comes across as insulting and I don't know if that's your intention. Comments like "You should know better" sound condemning, and I think as we're all sinners it is difficult to judge anyone just because their struggle is different than yours.
I think your post/rant is helpful in some ways. Strong language is helpful to discuss an opinion. But, women--who also live in a sex-charged society and are objectified routinely in all forms of media--may not know whether a particular skirt/dress/shirt inspires lust in men around them. Women are berated with images and expectations of what they should be... without some open communication between men and women in the church I posit that Christian women are not able to critique the cultural sex-infused images. I think your frustrations expressed here could be more effectively channeled by moving for open communication about sexuality in the church. Only when sexuality can be expressed in a safe space, can it be explored in a healthy way. (not saying engaging in sexual activities, but exploring a part of human identity). When sexuality is no longer a squeamish or taboo subject, Christian women and men will be equipped to challenge a cultural obsession with exploiting bodies.
Anonymous, I'm not judging others who have a different struggle than me, I'm judging myself along with those who have the same struggle as I do with immodesty. I'm sorry you felt condemned...my goal was not to condemn anyone personally, but to condemn immodesty. I do think that Christian women and girls should know better, but perhaps I should have worded it differently. I also want to clarify that my husband did not necessarily think I was too harsh on the girls, just that I did not talk enough about the responsibility the guys have. I should have made that more clear as well.
Tina, I agree that there should be a lot more communication in the church regarding sexuality, and that probably would help the cause for modesty. It's something I would have liked to talk about more in this post, but it was already getting a little long...it'll be a great future post though!
Thanks for the input from you both.
Anonymous wasn't saying they felt condemned. They said that certain comments in your post "sounded condemning". I appreciate the strong emotion that you expressed, and you certainly haven't held yourself back from being controversial! But I tend to recoil from an article that begins by wanting beautiful women to turn wrinkly, jiggly and warty just because they caught someone's eye. This is a complicated topic. Taken too far, your post could lead to debasing the beautiful bodies that God has given women. A lot has to do with a woman's motive in choosing to wear something, and that's always a challenge to struggle with.
Thanks Aunt Dar. You're probably right...I'm sure my praying for someone's uglification wouldn't be the godliest thing to do (I've never actually done that, by the way)! And yes, the post could be taken that far...If I had the room to write a book about this topic, appreciating our bodies, and sexuality in regards to Christian women, I'm sure I could! But to prevent getting too long, I had to stick to the topic, and leave some important stuff out, like the fact that being 'modest' doesn't mean dressing to hide your femininity. The motive is definitely important, as well as just how something is worn. There's so much to talk about regarding all this stuff, and it is complicated...but I'm kind of glad I finally had a post that was controversial enough to get some negative feedback! haha...If everyone agreed with everything I said, I would have to question whether or not I was posting my true opinions or the opinions everybody wants to hear. (-:
To add to Darlene's comment, another facet of this conversation is addressing why Hannah's list of 'uglification' is equated to a biblical curse. This is a further nuance of my earlier post considering how women's bodies are acted upon primarily via forms of media. Hannah's list is evidence of how a woman's body is objectified and such expectations are embedded into everyone's mind. What is beauty and what is ugly? And more provocatively, who is defining these terms... How would these terms change if a different 'who' is defining them?
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